KensiNate Random Song Drabbles
by TXJ
Summary: Short little burst and bits of Nate/Kensi goodness.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS LA, its characters or anything to do with it. Nor to I own rights, words nor royalties to the songs referenced below. No copy right or other enfringment is entended.

AN: Random WinAmp playlist write as the song plays drabbles.

* * *

He couldn't help it, he did it without realizing. You could only go to school for so many years practicing how to get into somebody's head without it becoming second nature. It made him good at his job, great at keeping people from lieing to him but horrible on relationships.

She knew her hands were blood stained; she had grown up an over aggressive, unsecure, tomboy with an alpha complex. She hated it when guys would search for that 'soft center'. She didn't have it, when they went looking for that they found her trigger which resulted in her pushing (at gentelest) away.

They hated each other on first encounter. He read her like a book and was surprised by nothing she said or did. She couldn't believe how truly brave and honest he was, he could look her in the eye see the all of her daemons and he still didn't run.

When they finally admitted defeat to one and other it was at the realization that she wanted somebody who could get in her head, someone who got her without her having to do all the explaining; and he, he needed somebody who would need him and not care that he was in her head as much as she was in his heart.

_"And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everythings made to be broken; I just want you to know who I am." Goo Goo Dolls ~ Iris_

* * *

Kensi had survived. Her cover had been blown, Sam and G had been ambushed, but they had all made it out ok. No the loss hadn't been the team, the loss had been how many people they'd had to kill to get out of there alive. She had shot at least four people, dead or not she didn't stand around to find out. She snapped the necks of two more. She knew the counciling sections would many, long and would maybe eventually work.

Her mind kept reeling back, the look of fright an horror on one young thugs face after she had snapped the neck of the man holding a knife to her. The sound the dead man made, the sound the little gang banger made, the look of sheer terror. He was face to face with a monster, and it wore a bra. Kensi tugged at her bandages a small sardonic chuckle leaving her with the last thought.

As if the laugh, if one could call it that, had cued his entrance Nate came in. She launched into a vishious round of how she knew he had to do a post situation interview but she wasn't in the mood at the moment. He let her rant, he let her launch into how aware that she was a mess, and that she shouldn't be alive, that she knew she'd been raised to be tough, to a fighter, a killer, a monster. How she knew that in time she would push past this like all of the others. That he could save his psycho babble for a day when the meds had worn off a little more. Right now she just --- his arms were around her, she wasn't sure when he had sat down on the bed, let a lone why it felt so right. She hushed imedately, frozen in his arms. Strong warm arms, arms that didn't seem to cage her, strangle her or feel fake in their comfort. She shivered unvolenterly when he whispered into the top of her head.

"I'm glad you're alive." She returned his embrace as he shifted on the hospital bed with her to lean back and let her pull in against him. She held onto him for dear life as the tears flooded forward and the sickening waves of guilt and anger passed.

_"Once I hold on ….. I'll never live down my deceit" Stone Sour ~ Bother_

* * *

The way she would glide around the office, moving past all the males she worked with, with upmost confidence drove him nuts. It turned heads, including his, but he wasn't above admitting that he was just as male as the next guy. He was loath to admit that she intimidated him at times. He was even more loath to admit that it was the complete contradiction in her outward exuberance and her inner total disreguard for her own safety and life that drew him in. He wanted to change that, he wanted to give her a reason to be cautious, to want to live to see retirement. He wanted to push past her anger and aggression with out reducing her to a pile of tears. Nate was smart enough to realize that he couldn't have one with out the other, that is if he could even have her at all.

_"Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life…" The Verve – Bittersweet Symphony_

* * *

He knew like many men before him that he would be rejected, and scorned. So he didn't ask, well not with words at least. Nate Getz knew that a woman like Kensi was use to being hit on and from her demenior she would not take well to it lame half cocked, purely carnal intentions. So he made his approach seduel using his strengths to his advantage. He didn't flinch when she got pissed at him for 'getting in her head', he teased her and got just as well as he gave, he offered her reassurances out side of being the office shrink and did what he could do to be naturally around her. Being friends came natural, but getting anywhere past that wasn't so easy. He could never find the right time or the right words to get her alone with him. He knew the others were starting to see it, that he smile was just for her, his laugh different when she was near. He knew that in time she would notice too.

_"I wont let you, let me down so easily" I will Possess Your Heart ~ Death Cab for Cutie_

* * *

Kensi couldn't believe what she was listening too. Ok she could believe it, it was on her mp3 player after all, but it was more who she was thinking of while singing it. The thought was so adorable it made her laugh out loud. She couldn't deny that Nate had been acting like a love struck boy lately, so maybe that is why she could vividly picture him singing Savage Garden's _"Truly Madly Deeply"_ in the dramatic style that only Nate could pull off. The thought of him strutting down the stairs into the bullpen singing and pointing to her brought the silliest of grins to her face. The grin was promptly wiped off of her face when Hetty walked by and said "There will be no dramatic teen love scene reenactments in my head quarters Ms. Blye."

_"I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy" Truly Madly Deeply ~ Savage Garden_


	2. More

Dis: I make nothing off of this and I own nothing. (see page 1 for more details)

AN: Open Office does not like me and long documents.

* * *

He loved her, he had said it, those words that haunt, that can torment and end a relationship. She loved him too, and she knew he knew it. They had both spoken the three word phrase with it's full meaning and intent. A point that normally would have sent her running in a relationship. This time she was self-destructing and she couldn't find a way to stop. They had gone from the happy hand holding and long deep kissing to her not being able to sit still around him, shrugging his arm off her shoulders and not allowing him more than what he dubbed as a "peck and push" in place of a real hug and kiss. She blamed it on being tired and stressed, but both knew the truth, she was scared.

Part of him wanted her out of the field, but he knew that if that happened she wouldn't be the same woman he loved. He just wanted her safe, wanted her to be able to let down her guard. At the same time he had needs, desires and feelings too. So as much as it hurt, and as cliche as it was it let her go. He pushed her away and waited hoping she would grow and come back to him.

_" Push me away, you can't see what I see. The other side of me" Downfall ~ Trust Company_

* * *

This first time Kensi had said it in the bullpen Callen and Sam had fallen down laughing mercilessly. To them, the thought of Nate being a "Knight in Shining Armor" was impossible. In their minds Knights were strong, dashing, rush into the fray heroes. Not office working psychological profilers.

What the two didn't get, was that Nate was always there to save her from herself. He was the one who held her when the job became to much. To chase away the fear that she couldn't live up to expectation. He was the brave one because he knew the demons she kept locked up, what she looked like when she woke up, and even how weak she really was and he stayed by her side. He was strong in all the areas she was weak in.

In her mind, he was her Knight because he would always be there to rescue her.

_Robin Hood Overture ~ John Williams_

* * *

Sam and G stood in shock. They had never seen Nate anything less than calm and cool. Ok, well thay had seen him flustered and embarrassed but he still maintained composure in the situations. The man in front of them just moments ago was not the field psychologist they'd come to know. It was rare for him to be on-site, but it had been a hostage situation so he had been in a car near by waiting on the wing for the situation to conclude. Kensi being attacked was not part of the plan, nor was Nate coming to her defense. Neither of the agents said anything but both had been scared for the attackers life as Nate grabbed him off Kensi and slammed him into the wall.

_"So what if you can see the darker side of me. No one can change this animal I have become." Animal I Have Become – Three Days Grace_

* * *

It was all Nate's fault. It had been a mid week, weekend for the team. She'd spent all of it with him, the majority of it on his couch catching up on, of all things, Anime. She'd always liked cartoons growing up, though you'd never get her to admit it. It wasn't until she and Nate got close that she realized that she was a closet Anime watcher. It wasn't until the tenth strait episode of Bleach that she realized that it was the music that sucked her in soo deep. Now she was walking around humming tunes that she only knew a few words too and that was only because they were English peppered into the song. Oh she was gonna kill Nate before the day was over!

_Yui – Life_

* * *

Sometimes he hated his job. He mainly hated it on days when he had to watch Kensi work undercover and all but sell the case with her body. He knew everybody else hated it too. None of them liked seeing her in that position, no matter how well she could handle herself. What they didn't see was Kensi when she got home after these missions. The hollow look in her eyes the way she would sit alone and shiver. She covered it up well with her flippant attitude, but Nate alone saw how alone these missions left her feeling, how used and dirty. He hated having to watch the whole act. _Scar Tissue ~ Red Hot Chilli Peppers_

* * *

Why did it always rain at funerals? He had raised her to be strong, silent and independent. To never need anybody including him. To never let anyone or anything to get to her. Thanks to him she could hold her own against men twice her size, talk the talk and walk the walk. Memories of a childhood spent learning how to be a marine's child flashed in front of her eyes. After her mom left, he never loved again. Even her, he never showed her a kind smile or a soft shoulder to cry on. She had only recently come to realize that she was becoming him. She wouldn't make the same mistakes. As Nate wrapped his arm around her shoulders she allowed herself to relax into him, while her tears melted into the rain.

"Goodbye Dad."

_"I was so young you should have known better than to lean on me." Because of You – Kelly Clarkson._

* * *

She trashed his office, stole his comics, stomped on his foot and shoved him back into the elevator.

Yeah, Kensi was pissed at him. Still he wouldn't give in. Nate just smiled and cleaned up the mess, walked off the pain and took the stairs for the rest of the day. The rest of the week went much the same, snide bickering included, below the belt comments a plenty. The rest of the team was looking at him with sympathy by Wednesday. On Thursday Hetty pulled him aside. "Mr. Getz, I hope you know what you are getting yourself into." "Oh I know, and it is worth it." She gave him an appraising look and shook her head as she walked off. Friday passed with as much tension as the other days, by now the whole team was begging for him to give in before she killed him, which he was loath to admit but one more sharp gab to the ribs may just do it. Still he only smirked and told them he had it under control.

Quitting time rolled around, and as he expected Kensi was waiting outside his office door. To her shock and surprise he deftly avoided the hand that extended to shove him back into his office and instead grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He couldn't help but grin at the hoots and laughter that followed the stunned silence as they passed through the lobby and out the doors.

Kensi lost all fight when she saw the bag in the back seat and a map for the Grand Canyon laying on top.

"Three days of watching the most beautiful sunrise and sunsets with you." He whispered with a smile, saying nothing of her silence or stunned shame. This moment was worth leaving before she woke on Monday and incurring her wrath all week.

_"Don't touch a think till you know whats inside it." - You Can't Take Me ~ Bryan Adams_


	3. Cry

AN: This one is a bit longer and I may end up twisting it into a short series. I however would like to let the show itself progress a little further. Anybody seen the previews for 12/15's episode? Poor Nate! .... Oh and this would fall sometime after Episode 1 if your into dates and everything.

Dis: I do not own NCIS: LA, its characters, settings or anything else lucrative. Nor do I own Mandy Moore (who'd wanna?) or the song "Cry". As far as I am aware there is no relation between Mandy Moore and NCIS: LA (save both have works on my hard drive!). Again, I make no profit and no harm is intended by this.

* * *

It was a short conversation, no different than the normal banter that was exchanged between every member of the team; digs, bad jokes, sarcasm, and rhetorical questions. Yet Kensi couldn't shake the feeling that this one had a very different ending to it.

She walked into MTAC to see everyone chuckling at something Dom had said.

"It doesn't take any longer for a woman to get ready in the morning that it does a man. They just use that as an excuse." Nate stated in his usual 'I read it in a medical journal' fashion.

"You don't have sisters do you." Dom quipped.

If Kensi hadn't stepped up to stand in the space between the two men she never would have heard Nate's response.

"Director on in One." Eric called out which helped hide Nate's softly spoken "Had."

The Director took their report of the latest case they'd solved, congratulated them. Nate was out the door before the image of the director had even faded. Sam suggested that they all go out for lunch before Hetty could come up with something else for them to do. After all how often did a case wrap up before three on a Friday?

Kensi still couldn't shake the uneasy feeling she'd picked up from earlier but it seemed that no one else had noticed so she chose not to draw attention to it. Making an excuse to catch up with them later she headed on up to Nate's office as the others headed out the door.

She was a little surprised to find his office empty; there was no way he could have already left. A warm autumn breeze came in through a partially open window drawing her attention. Nate's office window opened out with a mildly sloping roof top space below. Looking out the window Kensi's breath hitched in her throat.

It wasn't so much a shock to see Nate sitting on the roof top, but the way he was sitting, forlorn and lost in thought. She quietly eased herself out of the window and almost thought of going back inside until she noticed it.

Tear drops.

On his cheeks; Nate was crying, as she stood still she could see the fine tremble in his shoulders.

"Nate?" She couldn't leave him, something was clearly hurting him. She didn't have to know what; she just had to know that he would be ok.

He startled, wiped a sleeve across his eyes with one hand, and slid something into his blazer pocket with another.

"Kensi, you didn't go with the others? Something I can do for you?"

She smiled weakly. Her mind running over how he was always there to help with everyone else's issues and she had never once considered who he turned to when something bothered him.

"No, I heard. In MTAC, I heard what Dominic didn't. What you answered."

"His was a rhetorical question, we were just talking about women taking too much time to get ready." He shrugged as Kensi took a seat next to him. She held her breath for a moment just watching the storm clouds move in.

"You've never mentioned having a sister before." She ventured, knowing he was likely to shut her down.

"No usually people come up here to do the talking not to have me talk to them." A sad smile graced his face never reaching his eyes. Kensi answered it by bumping his shoulder with hers but remained silent giving him a chance to talk.

"Kendra Elaine Devon Getz. I was five when she was born. You remind me of her sometimes. She was always a tomboy, lived to prove that girls could be just as tough as any guy, major alpha complex. Our parents never understood her. When she was a teenager they felt like they couldn't control her so they sent her to Military School. It wasn't long after that they disowned her because she dropped out of school. They won't talk about it and I haven't seen Kendra since. Her name is taboo in the family." His shoulders where trebling again as he swallowed and pulled a tattered photo out of his pocket and handed it to Kensi.

Nate had to be in his late teens early twenties his arms were draped around the neck of a young teenage girl in a playful hug.

"This was taken before I left for the school year; it was also the last time I saw her. I had promised to take her up the coast for Christmas. She loved watching the storms come into harbor".

He looked up at the sky. Kensi had never really been good at the comforting thing but right in that moment she wanted nothing more than to take his sorrow away. Nate had always been the strong silent type when it came to emotions. He could show compassion and caring for everyone else and their given situation. He took their verbal abuse and irritated dismissals without complaint or retaliation. None of them had ever thought about how a case maybe messing with his head or how things could sometimes be personal to him.

"Dom's comment isn't what triggered this is it?" she asked tentatively.

"No, like I said, I was five when Kendra was born. Today would have been her birthday. She was born three days before my birthday effectively ruining my sixth birthday party. It wasn't until she was around seven that we started to like each other. I guess you could say at that point I had developed a brother complex. I miss her Kenz."

Kensi didn't know what to say so she did the only thing she could think to do and pulled him into a hug. They stayed like that until the sky opened up. Back inside Nate placed the photo back into the top drawer of his desk. Kensi filed the location away for later; she would have to talk to Hetty on Monday.

"Let's get you something to eat." She grabbed his hand and led him towards the door. The way he kept hold of her hand as they descended the stairs made her heartbeat quicken.

Her view of Nate had changed. He didn't just seem more human to her, he seemed more man. A man who needed to be loved and comforted a man who needed a good friend. Kensi wasn't willing to admit it just quite yet but in the back of her mind she knew she wanted to be that good friend.

_I wanted to hold you, I wanted to make it go away, I wanted to know you  
I wanted to make your everything, all right. Cry ~ Mandy Moore_

_

* * *

_Really I could have quoted the whole song. I really like the idea of Nate having a little sister that is a lot like Kensi.


	4. Just A Dream

Dis: Characters are not mine, Lyrics are not mine. As far as I know there is no association between Carrie Underwood and NCIS:LA.

* * *

Nate could recall Hetty's words that those who needed him would come to him when they were ready to talk. This was one of those times. Case load had been not calm but more cut and dry giving the team little drama and little need of his services post mission. So he was a little surprised when Kensi came to him on a Wednesday afternoon. They had sat in silence for quite awhile.

"I, I'm sorry I've wasted your time Nate." She said suddenly and started to stand.

"Kensi you aren't wasting my time. Even if you just want to sit in silence, it isn't wasting my time if you feel better when you leave." He watched her intently as she froze with her back to him.

"I don't feel better though." She whispered.

"Then stay until you do." He responded coming around the desk and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"I miss him, they all think I don't, that I've moved on but I can't. Every year it is the same way. I remember, three of them in uniform coming up the walk, I knew then. I didn't want to believe but I knew. It was the same when my father had been killed. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, but I had been taught better."

Nate had gently steered her to the couch. He let her talk, his mind reeling trying to catch up and figure out who she was talking about. It clicked almost instantly after she ruled out her father. The guys, Callen and Sam, had asked him what he knew about Kensi having a fiancé. Even if he had known he wouldn't have been able to tell them.

"Five years today. Five years and I still can't make myself go out there. Nate, how is it that I can face a gun down daily but I can't go to a cemetery and leave flowers at a stone?" She looked into Nate's e yes for an answer; he knew she expected him to spout off some nonsense about fears and instincts, fight verses flight – the usual. All he could think in that moment was how badly he wanted to see the pain gone from her eyes.

Kensi was a tad bit of a profiler herself. She often knew the answers he would give before she would ask him a question. It wasn't professional, but he knew what he wanted to do for her.

"I'll take you out there. I will drive you and stay until you've made your peace." Maybe it was the part of her that had been trained never to back down; maybe it was really all the more prompting she needed, either way Kensi said yes.

Hetty didn't question when Nate informed her that they were leaving early.

Kensi acted almost normal on the truck ride, they talked about different things the team had been up to, latest crazes in television and she even gave him a hard time for not being current on what was going on in the music scene.

As they neared the cemetery conversation died out. Nate wasn't sure how to break the silence, or even if he should. Instead he reached over and squeezed her hand. He allowed her to keep in when she squeezed back and didn't let go. He forced himself to push away the thoughts of how gentle her grip was, and noted fact that the calluses on her hands were not too rough.

Finding the plot marker did not take long, as they rolled up the hill where their destination lay he chose to break the silence.

"I'll wait here for you." It was a battle he had been waging since they got in the truck, but deep down he knew that Kensi needed this moment alone, no matter how much he wanted to be by her side.

She smiled, and he had no doubt that she knew his ever last thought on the subject. Once again he found himself reminded that she was a bit of a profiler.

The wait seemed forever, he watched her kneel, then sit, then stand, walk around, kneel again. Finally she came back to the truck, less than twenty minutes had passed, but the waiting had felt like much longer.

"Thank You." She said her voice raw from crying. He nodded his head.

They drove out the gates without a word and were back on the highway before she spoke.

"I'm not sure I want to be alone this evening." She said, her voice sounding uncertain.

Nate waited for her to say something more, one hand on the wheel the other on the center console.

She took the free hand causing him to turn and look at her for a brief moment. He had no doubt that she had made her peace out there, but now, now she felt empty and lonely.

"Is there any way I could stay with you tonight?" Once again she was asking a question she already knew his answer to.

_And then they handed her a folded up flag, And she held on to all she had left of him,Oh, and what could've been  
And then the guns rang one last shot, And it felt like a bullet in her heart ~ Just A Dream by Carrie Underwood_

* * *

AN: This drab, though it demanded to be written, for the record goes against my 'Kensi Fact or Fiction' beliefs. Personally I do not believe that there was ever a fiance. Further more this song make my heart ache when I think about how many men, women and children live this song out because somebody they love will never come home.

Semper Fi


End file.
